yes, it is your fault
see, this is what I get on about. Somehow, we wound up with a subscription with U.S. News & World Report, which is usually glossed over then trashed. Todays has an interesting cover article on turning the FBI into spies, but as I pick it up out of the mailbox, the top corner banner advertises this story: "
Guess Who's Making Americans Fat".
Hmmmm. Let me think about that one. I don't know, but I blame the French.
I already know what the article is about, but I check the subheading inside just to be sure: "EAT THIS NOW: How savvy marketing is contributing to the nation's obesity epidemic".
See, it isn't
our fault we're fat, that nifty logo just
made me buy ten more Krispy Kremes.
The blocked quote from the expert: "We're just surrounded. Food is available every time you turn around". Last time I checked, looking at food dosen't make you fat. So how 'bout this idea: Next time you turn around and bump into a bacon cheeseburger with a side of fries,
don't shove it into your greasy pie-hole.
Under a picture of some tasty-looking pizza is the caption "EVERYWHERE: High-calorie temptations lurk around every bend from airport to school cafeteria."
I love that line. The author conures images of Snickers bars hanging out at the playground waiting to beat up your kid, roving gangs of potato chips down every alley, shyster chicken nuggets trying to break into your bank account.
The author also bemoans the fact that food is so easy to get ahold of in this country. "America is truly a horn of plenty", she laments. It seems to me this sure beats the alternative. Ever seen pictures from Ethiopia? There's a reason the expression is "Fat and Happy", not "Starving and digging for bugs in the sand to feed my children, and Happy".
Hey, believe me, I know from temptation. I indulge it daily. One way or another, giving in to temptation is almost sure to kill me (if I don't get gunned down by a bag of Lay's first). But please, spare me the nonsense about what you put into your body being anybody's fault but your own. Krispy Kreme is not out to kill you. Mikey D's dosen't give a shit if you buy the overpriced salads or the overpriced french fries, so long as you're buying something. Obviously, there's a high demand for 10000 calorie donuts and greaseburgers, or they wouldn't be there. All the slick marketing in the world dosen't get food from your plate into your maw, only you can do that. (Unless, again, a renegade gang of Doritos are holding you down and pouring milkshakes down your throat. Then all bets are off.)
Finally, there is a block of "Experts' tips" on how to fight this epidemic:
-"Don't walk into a bakery or chocolate shop without a buddy to...keep your order from getting out of hand." Hey, here's an idea, fatty: if you're so morbidly obese, perhaps you shouldn't be walking into the store that smells like donut grease in the first place. And if you do, don't bitch to me about how you couldn't have
just one...
-"Know that what you buy at the grocery store will get eaten." Well, duh. When I buy the box of triple chocolate ho-ho's I know damn well they will get eaten, probably all that night with a carton of chocolate milk to wash it down. Maybe you should write, "I know you can't stop eating everything in the house, you're like a fuckin' eating machine, so maybe buy some triscits or salad or something instead of another gallon of haagen-daas, you incorragable lard-bucket." That seems to make more sense.
-"If you eat out a lot, it's no longer a special occasion." I don't know about you, but every time I sit down to eat it's a party, Complete with complaints to the cops and drunken frat girls passed out on the couch.
-"Cleaning your plate will not help starving children in the third world" No, but it will make your mother happy, and really, to you want that last two pounds of lasagne to just get thrown away?
-"Be aware of how advertising is trying to manipulate you" And also, be aware that if you're eating your fifth taco because they looked so tasty exploded up to billboard size on the windows out front so you can see every chunk of gristle and rat's hair, you may be too dumb to continue breathing.
