yes, it is your fault
see, this is what I get on about. Somehow, we wound up with a subscription with U.S. News & World Report, which is usually glossed over then trashed. Todays has an interesting cover article on turning the FBI into spies, but as I pick it up out of the mailbox, the top corner banner advertises this story: "Guess Who's Making Americans Fat".

Hmmmm. Let me think about that one. I don't know, but I blame the French.

I already know what the article is about, but I check the subheading inside just to be sure: "EAT THIS NOW: How savvy marketing is contributing to the nation's obesity epidemic".

See, it isn't our fault we're fat, that nifty logo just made me buy ten more Krispy Kremes.

The blocked quote from the expert: "We're just surrounded. Food is available every time you turn around". Last time I checked, looking at food dosen't make you fat. So how 'bout this idea: Next time you turn around and bump into a bacon cheeseburger with a side of fries, don't shove it into your greasy pie-hole.

Under a picture of some tasty-looking pizza is the caption "EVERYWHERE: High-calorie temptations lurk around every bend from airport to school cafeteria."

I love that line. The author conures images of Snickers bars hanging out at the playground waiting to beat up your kid, roving gangs of potato chips down every alley, shyster chicken nuggets trying to break into your bank account.

The author also bemoans the fact that food is so easy to get ahold of in this country. "America is truly a horn of plenty", she laments. It seems to me this sure beats the alternative. Ever seen pictures from Ethiopia? There's a reason the expression is "Fat and Happy", not "Starving and digging for bugs in the sand to feed my children, and Happy".

Hey, believe me, I know from temptation. I indulge it daily. One way or another, giving in to temptation is almost sure to kill me (if I don't get gunned down by a bag of Lay's first). But please, spare me the nonsense about what you put into your body being anybody's fault but your own. Krispy Kreme is not out to kill you. Mikey D's dosen't give a shit if you buy the overpriced salads or the overpriced french fries, so long as you're buying something. Obviously, there's a high demand for 10000 calorie donuts and greaseburgers, or they wouldn't be there. All the slick marketing in the world dosen't get food from your plate into your maw, only you can do that. (Unless, again, a renegade gang of Doritos are holding you down and pouring milkshakes down your throat. Then all bets are off.)

Finally, there is a block of "Experts' tips" on how to fight this epidemic:

-"Don't walk into a bakery or chocolate shop without a buddy to...keep your order from getting out of hand." Hey, here's an idea, fatty: if you're so morbidly obese, perhaps you shouldn't be walking into the store that smells like donut grease in the first place. And if you do, don't bitch to me about how you couldn't have just one...

-"Know that what you buy at the grocery store will get eaten." Well, duh. When I buy the box of triple chocolate ho-ho's I know damn well they will get eaten, probably all that night with a carton of chocolate milk to wash it down. Maybe you should write, "I know you can't stop eating everything in the house, you're like a fuckin' eating machine, so maybe buy some triscits or salad or something instead of another gallon of haagen-daas, you incorragable lard-bucket." That seems to make more sense.

-"If you eat out a lot, it's no longer a special occasion." I don't know about you, but every time I sit down to eat it's a party, Complete with complaints to the cops and drunken frat girls passed out on the couch.

-"Cleaning your plate will not help starving children in the third world" No, but it will make your mother happy, and really, to you want that last two pounds of lasagne to just get thrown away?

-"Be aware of how advertising is trying to manipulate you" And also, be aware that if you're eating your fifth taco because they looked so tasty exploded up to billboard size on the windows out front so you can see every chunk of gristle and rat's hair, you may be too dumb to continue breathing.


howdy, thanks for stopping by. what you're looking at is the intermittent ramblings of an iraqi vet, college student, goth-poseur, comic book reading, cheesy horror loving, punk listening, right-leaning, tech-obsessed, poorly typing, proudly self-proclaimed geek. occasionally, probably due to these odd combinations, i like to think i have some interesting things to say; this is where they wind up.

"I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound and stab us...We need the books that affect us deeply, like the death of someone we loved more than ourselves, like being banished into forests far from everyone, like a suicide. A book must be the axe for the frozen sea inside of us.

ace o spades hq
bargain-basement allahpundit
a small victory
army of mom
babalu blog
beautiful atrocities
being american in t o
belmont club
blame bush!
castle argghhh!
citizen smash
the command post
common sense runs wild
curmudgeonly & skeptical, r
curmudgeonly & skeptical, pg-13
dean's world
drill sergeant rob
exit zero
enjoy every sandwich
feisty repartee
fistful of fortnights
free will
four right wing wacos
ghost of a flea
half the sins of mankind
the hatemonger's quarterly
hog on ice
house of plum
id's cage
ilyka damen
incoherant ramblings
in dc journal
the jawa report
knowledge is power
lileks bleat
the llama butchers
memento moron
the mudville gazette
naked villainy
nerf-coated world
those damned pajama people
professor chaos
professor shade
the protocols of the yuppies of zion
protein wisdom
the queen of all evil
seven inches of sense
shinobi, who is a f'n numbers ninja, yo
tall dark and mathteriouth
the nose on your face
the thearapist
this is class warfare
texas best grok
tim worstall
way off bass

other must reads: