Scientists believe they have discovered a new group of giant apes in the jungles of central Africa.
The animals, with characteristics of both gorillas and chimpanzees, have been sighted in the north of the Democratic Republic of Congo.
According to local villagers, the apes are ferocious, and even capable of killing lions.
The UK magazine New Scientist is to publish its report about the mysterious creatures next week.
If they are a new species of primate, it could be one of the most important wildlife discoveries in decades.
They stand up to two metres tall, the size of gorillas, and like gorillas, they nest on the ground, not in trees.
"If this had been a bluff charge, they would have been screaming to intimidate us. These guys were quiet. And they were huge. They were coming in for the kill. I was directly in front of them, and as soon as they saw my face, they stopped and disappeared."
"I think we ought to read only the kind of books that wound and stab us...We need the books that affect us deeply, like the death of someone we loved more than ourselves, like being banished into forests far from everyone, like a suicide. A book must be the axe for the frozen sea inside of us.
"How could you, Francis. How could you. You heartless bastard." -Ilyka
"Death to the Republic of Dork! All hail the Geek Empire!"
"It's kind of like Lileks on electro-shock treatments that aren't quite working."-steve the llama butcher
email the emperor:
unconqured -at- gmail.com
(bonus points for anyone that can guess the literary referance in which "unconqured" and "I" figure prominently)
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